and the myth breaks..

Some of us are lead to believe that we have this certain destiny and then it just gets snatched away.. some of us are meant to suffer. But we have to stay alive because we have to see how the story ends.
Today is one of those moments which had introduced me to this blogging paradigm some two years back. My busy schedule gave me little time to ponder upon the wounds I had gathered on my way and had started making me believe that time has healed them all..but a day off just blew away that myth like a castle of cards.
Someone asked me if I would ever fall in love with a girl like that. And my instant reply was a big no. And then I asked the same question to myself to get an honest answer to that…would I or would I not?
I was watching the clips from a movie called 50 First Dates..a movie which I have watched a zillions times before. Till 2 years back, I used to watch this movie every now and then. But then someone held my hand and helped me come out of the utopia I had created. I must accept that very few persons could have made me face the reality in a way better than this. I stumbled and flubbed on my way..I wanted to give up and get back to where the journey had started. But she guided me and kept boasting my moral..she never let me traverse back the distance I had covered..
It’s been almost 2years now..may be a few days less than that. I have sulked, I have cried, I have tried to finish myself off…and in the process I have crossed a few milestones but I’m yet to reach the zenith. Now I don’t want to get back to the starting point..no not because I don’t want to but because I don’t have the courage to take the pain of travelling on the same path again..I thank her for that..I thank her once again.

I’m growing up..or should I say that I have grown over it. So, will I ever fall in love? May be NOOOOOOOO..at least that is what I want to believe.

..and the show begins

I saw death staring at me,
As I woke up in the middle of the night.
I wanted to run away from it,
And I knew the way out.
Should I or should I not,
I was caught in the dilemma.
Just a shot wouldn't make a difference I thought,
And then it never stopped.
I could barely keep my eyes open,
As the elixir mixed with my blood and took control.
Everytime I woke up only to realize I needed it once more,
And the show went on and on......

Bidding Adieu

Today while walking past the cubicle I thought I would never stop by WKS.F-160 to say "Madar****..G*** mar denge tumhari". Yaa..it was Jojab's desk who left the organisation yesterday and with whom I share many a things in common..from being unable to save a single penny to being capable of making girls feel embarrassed enough by continuously ogling at their assets..from being very fond of pulling others legs to having high flying dreams of owning multiple Ferraris and gigantic mansions. The only thing in him which I didn't like was his being a paedophile. But I choose to ignore it as I don't have kids yet..atleast not ones whom I had to give my surname. Apart from that we kind of gelled well..actually we became best of friends(had to write this as he gifted me with an ADIDAS T-shirt today).

I was going through one of the worst phases in my life when I had come to Hyderabad few months back. Nothing in my life was going the way I would have wanted them to. Apart from that I was in a new city with no friends around which provided me with enough time to think about things which had gone wrong and indulge into self agony...and thus making things even more difficult for myself.

Then I met these guys in office with whom I used to share the cubicle..they were a bunch of hooligans..a bunch of assholes who would pass dirty comments on every girl passing by their desk, who seemed to believe that everybody else could be addressed by 2-3 common names belonging to a set X such that each element of X ends with c**d. Finally, in this new city I had managed to find people who reminded me of my college days and my college friends whom I had missed the most during the last 2 and a half years..I started hanging around with them in office..but we were yet to sit together with pegs for the actual bonding to happen..that happened pretty soon as well. It was already 11 at night and all the wine shops were closed by then..we roamed around the city for more than 2 hours searching frantically for alcohol only to realize that all the wine shops were actually closed by then and it was too late..but we had planned for a night out and a booze party at my place..so it had to happen and finally we managed to get some vodka from a shady bar which was still open.It was fun..we drank till morning..Jojab was high on alcohol..high on spirit, we started sharing our deepest secrets..my heart break, Jojab's first crush, Haula bhai's desire to f**k every good looking girl's sister(Haula Bhai has a strange fanatasy..he always feels like f***ing the sisters of all good looking girls and not the girl herself)..we discussed everything. We also managed to make Mr.Emotional stay awake till 7 in the morning who would otherwise pass off before it is 11:00 PM..

..may be we were no more office colleagues.

I started spending most of time with them...The night outs started happening more frequently..so did our Barsita trips..and not to forget the late night TT matches where Jojab owned the prestigious title of being a gaddha..All these things kept me busy enough not to provide me with time to indulge into self misery..and may be that helped me move on..move on quite a bit. Apart from a thing or two, last few months had been great..but every good thing or journey has to end some day..

We are men..so we didn't cry while sharing the stories of our heart break. We are men..so we couldn't let others see the drop of tear held in our eyes when it was time to wave goodbye.I still have those fours beddings lying in our drawing room..may be I know that I would never have to take these back to the drawing room once I arrange them on my bed in my room this time..the night outs would never be the same with Jojab not being there..I would never roam around the city at midnight searching for food..I would never be stopping at WKS F-160 to share a dirty piece of information about the hot babe sitting on the bl******g terminal at the cubicle next to that of mine.

I had heard a lot of people saying that you can't make good friends at workplace. Yups it is very much true..but we were born to break old rules and set new ones..so we had chosen to deny it this time as well..

Of course I love you..

"Now I knew how life is without your most loved one. Life ceases to mean anything. Avantike had sucked me out of all my energy, love and optimism. Everywhere I went, I couldn't help but see her all around. May be she is stalking me. May be she is behind that pillar to see how I'm doing. My world had crashed right in front of my eyes. Every place reminded me of her and the time we had spent there."
A drop of tear went down his cheeks as he read these lines. Rohan was reading "Of course I Love you..!Till I find someone better." Nothing could have described his state of mind in a way better than these lines. It had been a bit more than 3 months..no not 3..may be 2 months since he had promised himself that he won't let a single drop of tear come out of his eyes though , at times, it had really been difficult to make his tear glands obey him. He had spent a year and a half trying to mend his broken relationship, which meant world to him, only to realize that it was over and things would never be the same. Rohan wanted to come to terms with it and accept the truth but couldn't succeed. He had read somewhere that hope is the only thing that keeps the world moving. But for Rohan, hope was one thing that stopped him from moving on. One day he decided to abuse her and say all nasty things over the phone in order to kill all his hope of getting her back which he had thought would help him move on. But it didn't. It was the last time Rohan had talked to her. He hadn't slept for days after that and was tired of it. He felt sleepy but couldn't sleep because the moment he closed his eyes it, reminded him of her intoxicating eyes and beauty.
It was the first time in the last two months that he didn't try to control his tears..it vented out the emptiness, hopelessness, anger and dismay in him as it busted. He cried like a baby. But it made him feel better. Now he was much better..atleast that is what his friends feel. But only he knew that everyday he wakes up with her memories haunting him..haunting him till date.
He has quite a few good looking girls around him. He tried to convince himself that may be he is destined to get something better..destined to meet someone someday who would actually love him the way he had dreamt of. But trying to cheat himself and provide himself with consolation didn't work. He couldn't help but curse himself for having loved her..for having made someone else go through this hell that he was going through now.
Now Rohan knew how life is without his most loved one. Life ceased to mean anything. She had sucked him out of all his energy, love and optimism. Everywhere he went, he couldn't help but see her all around. His world had crashed right in front of his eyes. Every place reminded him of her and the time they had spent there. May be Rohan will keep loving her till he finds someone better or may be even after that...................

In The Name of WISDOM

I had written this quite some time back..but posting it today..

While walking down the beach, I’m trying to gather memories.
I don’t know if it’s spring or is it fall,
Though it won’t be true if I say it doesn’t bother me at all.
I don’t know how many seconds I have before the tide,
Before the current arrives and washes away everything that exists.
May be someday you will realize what you have lost,
And you will regret being in someone else’s arms,
But there won’t be any coming back.
I don’t know if I’m strong enough to welcome it with open arms,
I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive my injuries in the name of wisdom.