Just an indulgence

I am sitting at my desk waiting for TOAD to transfer the data returned by a query to an excel sheet. There are 119,230 rows to be transferred and its gonna take a long time. So I am enjoying the luxury of surfing internet, downloading mp3's and listening to some Bengali tracks. Thanks to my flat mate for providing me with this mp3's which I am listening to after a long time. I used to listen to these numbers when I was in college. Right now I listening to Bhalobasha by Porosh Pathor..a track which ranks very high on my list of favorite songs. Though don't know the reason behind it being so close to my heart. May be it is due to the fact that the song had made a perfect entry at the very right moment. It was then when someone very special was knocking my door. This song described my life very aptly at that point of time. It reminds me of the moments spent sitting at Princess Ghat(don't know if I am spelling it correctly), lost in the moment with passion deeper than the Ganga flowing by. It reminds of the moments spent at Esplanade Metro Station waiting for someone to come and give me a tight hug with a smile and then justify her being late by 2 hours. To put it in Bryan Adams' words "It reminds me of the best phase of my life"..best in every sense when I was yet to be bitten by life, smitten by reality. I was yet to realize that we are mere spectators of the rendition directed by someone else..though don't know who this else is. No!! We are not mere spectators. We also get the chance to perform our part in it..but it is limited only to that. Once we are done with our part, the rest is left to that unknown else. He decides what the next bit is going to be. Well let’s get back to the track.

Bhalobasha mane archies gallery,
Bhalobasha mane gopon gopon khela.

I am simply taken aback as to how all the love stories have the same prologue to start with. But then the epilogue is surely not the same for all and it is again decided by that mysterious identity that I am referring to as the else. May be this track best describes this initial phase. But then the songs ends in season-I. And the next seasons are yet to come. It tells us about the baby who is as pure as GOD, as genuine and true as the light coming from sun and not virtual like the moonlight which is very soothing but something which is just a reflection and which gets lost in the day light when everyone is awake. It describes the Spring, the Winter and the Fall are yet to come.
Oh!! This is another track which again ranks pretty high on my personal chart. Its 'ami sudhu cheyechi tomay' from Nil Nirjane. Now this time I actually can't figure out why I used to like this track so much. My life used to be a bed of roses then. The soft petals were yet to turn to painful thorns. But this is the first time I am actually able to relate to it. Let me listen to this number once and understand it in a way better than ever I cared to.
Yups!! TOAD is still busy loading the data in the excel file. So, I still have few more minutes to indulge into writing a piece which doesn't have any particular object as such. May be this is what you call indulgence. Ok lets get back to the track from Nil Nirjane..man its awesome. Who says emotions and feelings can't be replicated into words. Listen to this song and if you have experienced the cruel and barbarous season of Fall, you will surely say that whoever said that was himself not capable enough to do it. This song aptly puts into words the phase which makes you grown numb, though not comfortably. It takes you on a journey to the moment when you become a body without a soul, when you keep looking for your shadow even after knowing that the sun has set long back and deny not to lean on to the ray of hope which was never there. I don’t know what I am writing. Don’t have any particular object in mind. Just trying to pen down whatever is coming to my mind.
I guess you guys will forgive me for making this sin.
Anyways, TOAD is done with the job assigned to it and so am I.

Mon, boro abujh ei mon, Kichu je mane na hai
Abiram, ahoto shritir bhir, tobuuuuu
Ami je cheyechi tomay, Ami sudhu cheyechi tomay

Kakhun, jani na to kakhun..apcha hoye kuwashay
Ami sapnor pathe pathe sudhuuuuuu,
Hai koto khujechi tomay, ami sudhu khujechi tomay
Ami je khujechi tomay, ami sudhu khujechi tomay

Bey0|\|d |n$@nity

You think I am insane, I don't mind.
At times I feel pitty for you,
But then I realize IGNORANCE IS BLISS is not a meaningless phrase.
I wish even I could turn my face from the bitter truth,
But destiny had already planned my rendezvous with reality.
Neither do you consider me a part of the crowd,
Nor do I want to be one of them.
I am coming to terms with it,
I don't mind being considered an insane.

A Tribute to the Circle ...

This is a poem that I came across, thanks to another buddy ...

Party hard, rock 'n' roll, speed, weed, birth control,
Life's a bitch and then you die, so fuck the world and say goodbye,
To all the preps who think they are cool, fuck you baby, stoners rule,
Stoners live and stoners die, But in the end we all get high,
So when in life you dont succeed,
Fuck the world and smoke some weed!

As I see it

You were born human . And you know why ? Just so that you could feel all the emotions other animals cant...acceptance, anticipation, surprise, anxiety, contempt, disgust, guilt, anger, hatred, fear, grief, hope, joy, desire, pleasure and so much more ... And the emotion that stands out most in us humans is love, of course.Its love that makes us feel all other emotions.Many say that is what makes us human ,our capability to love and love unconditionally. Yeahh !! read about it,heard about it,believed it once …and ya....what load of crap !!! Love is word created by us to define that which we could not understand after years and years of toil. So we decided to give a name to that which we do not understand and use the word as it suits us.And we have tried,tried to find the meaning of the word after it had been created,but with no success,and being hypocrites that we are,we use it as we can to fit our bills.

Something different happened one day.Someone came along who made us cry,made us laugh, held our hand,spoiled us and all of a sudden the person became the world to us.We believed this more than everything else,and very conveniently,called that love.And before we knew,we stood at the crossroads of our destiny,oblivious to the imminent and inevitable fall. And naïve as we were, we could hardly have even dreamt that what we held so dear,what we thought was the world to us could all have just been an illusion. Love took us beyond insanity and put us on a highway to hell.We took the fall ,crashed down real hard and it’s a miracle we made through it alive. We’ve heard great stories about people in love,and their love stood the test of time.They loved,suffered,lost everything… and still they never gave up love.They stood with each other through all pain and suffering,and though ununited even in death,their love still lives on to this day.And the love as we see today,though inspired so heavily from the sagas, fails to stand the simple test of time.

All the inconsistencies that love today exhibits,just makes me think that the great stories of the past are just myths, and if they aren’t ,are stories of people who were real insane.Human kind continues to exhibit the same insanity even to this day,only that this insanity is so impermanent,it actually becomes a subject of ridicule.Its like horse-back riding,all chills and thrills till you have the horse and its back under ur butt.Its all so confusing,not being able to decide what to believe and what not to..I decided to think with a level head.I pondered and then I came up with an explanation to suit me.Love isn’t spending the lifetime with one another, it isn’t living together or living for the other half,its not union in death or life thereafter.Love isn’t when time stands still…..Love is what you feel when someone makes you live only in the moment.It’s love when you live your life as you want to without any obligations or repercussion.It’s love when a moment retains its freshness and beauty whenever you come back to it.