Friday, November 30, 2007

Bomb has been planted. (C4 timer set to 35 seconds, bomb-defusal time 4 seconds)

Enemy spotted! Need backup… Need backup……

Those were all that could be heard from one of the team-mates, who was guarding a narrow entrance to the bomb site. I didn’t know who it was, neither had I the time to care to know. I even dint know how the game started at this point. But howsoever it started, the game was up and we were in the middle of it. It was a flaw of the map or it was a prank of the server, which remained at a place beyond my level of understanding, but I was somehow stuck with half of my body buried inside the ground, completely paralyzed, as if I was out of the game. My pistol was lying on the floor, well out of my reach. I knew I was on the verge of losing my motive to fight for it, and preferred to make a habit of it from that particular moment in the game.

“Team fall back”….. That was the only radio command I could use and the command was also the only element of assurance for me of my being in the game. I never wanted to help that particular mate and the situation had provided me with a best possible weapon of excuse. He could barely manage to notice the MASKED CTs before he lost his last strength of vision. He died struggling to find their intentions as if it was never within his mind’s reach; even though he was supposed to know the game rules before playing it. I got a hint of his identity when I saw the dead list. We had to continue the match without I | motiv3, without a comrade who was one of our few biggest strengths. Those uncountable numbers of heartless, heavily armored skilled CTs, equipped with unknown rifles, smoke bombs, flashes and grenades, were coming to storm from all sides of the site to overpower us. Death of a comrade had fuelled to a better awareness of the situation among other guarding terrorists, forcing them to take safer positions, though in a subtle way they were aware of the fact that the lose had lowered their odds of success.

They were about to rush in. Very soon they were going to breach through all our flawed defenses. They bore a note of pretention calling themselves “The defenders of the map and something else” (they dint even know what it really was) in a vicious manner, with a proper justification to their violent motive in a completely unjust way. Grenades, flashes and “Fire in the hole”…. radio commands. Time had almost frozen when they rushed in, leaving each of us with a choice between a life less than 20 seconds and death. For the first time a 20 second life seemed a huge challenge and worth fighting for to us. The two big boxes around me, standing like two pillars and unknowingly justifying their purpose of creation, somehow managed to hide me from enemies’ view allowing time to be little more merciful to me.

I | pa$$ion[say_team]: “lol! do somethn!! Jump out and knife them if that’s the only thing u have."

I | Vi$ion[say_team]: “some1 help him out plzz. We must win to make our way through to finals."

“Affirmative.”

I | Hop3[say_team]: “ok! I am dropping my AK on YOU. I will manage with glock. We r gonna make it."

Bang!! And another among us was down. He succumbed to death before my own eyes, trying to take cover. I had lost something in my thoughts. I was no more thinking of the finals we had aimed to reach. All of a sudden I started thinking like an introvert, or a tinge of realization came over to me. Unaware of my thoughts, I | pa$$ion suddenly came out of the cover with an instantaneous raze and knocked down 2 of the enemies. But Alas!! All in vain, when the countless enemy bullets tore apart his head making him one of their cheap victims. He was too easy a prey to fall into the trap, a person who knows nothing but to fight, howsoever adverse be the situations he is put into. I | Hop3 was fighting well before he cud add his name to the dead list. The question mark was clearly visible in the eyes of them all before they died. I was left alone, armless, hopeless, devoid of all my teammates. There were exactly 4 seconds left when one of them started defusing the C4. They were all standing, facing towards me, giving me a feel of an alien species, with their guns pointing to me. Time was running away from me providing me with a scene of expressionless eyes of some unknown faces as a parting gift. I knew at any moment the monitor would go black. The timer was approaching zero giving me a feel of failure and death, when I saw a bullet flying towards me to end the story………………

Suddenly I heard the beep sound of a G Talk message and woke up. I saw the world around me unchanged as it was before I went to sleep. But something inside me had changed, something really incredible had happened. I saw a leach crawling on the floor. I started to laugh. Now I knew who those CTs were with a clear understanding of their motives. I could feel a more strong force of all my re-born terrorist teammates… Only one thing still bugs me. Did they ever die to the non-existent?? Or can they!! I have to find it from the people who were bugged by this dream ever since they thought of playing it. The answer is falling short like the ammo we have. I have to switch on the headphone. THE GAME IS STILL ON!! AND WE HAVE TO MAKE IT TO THE FINALS.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Feel me..You may call me a despondent

I know I was running too fast
I know I was chasing my dream
A dream to be with you forever,
May be a dream which was nothing more than a mirage
A dream which was just a dream
But I would have preferred not waking up

But when I look back now I realize you could never see it
That being with you till death puts us apart was all i wished
You said I could never understand you
But you never realized even I could have quoted the same words
It doesn't matter to me whose fault it was
What matters to me is what I have lost
How was I to get a dream what I was making you go through
When you know the fact that I am not Jesus Christ, Not even a demi-god

You discussed it with everyone,
But my name was not in the list
The person to whom it mattered the most,
You thought was nothing more than just a beast
The show had begun long back,
But I was invited in the end
I had no other option but just to watch,
I was just a silent spectator and I couldn't even applaud.

I tried hard not to let the sand flow out of my hand, but in vain
I could do nothing but to watch and go thorugh all the pain
All my dreams were shattered,
And all had come to an end
I din realize the moment had arrived much before
And I din even get a chance to defend.

The water in the seas were already very high
And all the sand castles were drowned
You said I was a mere hangover for you,
But when I think of the memories of the moments I have spent with you,
I still go insane. I tried a lot to cheat myself,
I also put in conscious effort to hate you but it din work
I couldn't help but to accept the truth
The truth that love is not a business, its not even a game
It doesnt matter what you did to me, though I cant deny the pain
But still I dont mind saying that I love you,
And will keep loving you till i hold my life's rein.
I have just one wish, just a wish
I wish you could understand love is not just about calculating how much you can gain,
Love is not a business, its not even a game,

Identity Crisis!!

Who am I?
Who am I without you?
May be just a dead leaf flowing with the wind,
All my emotions have dried up,
And my heart is void of dreams.
People stepped on me,
But it doesn't matter any more.
Coz I have grown numb,
And I am a despondent.
The phrase in the second last line has been picked up from your blog,
But let me tell you I'm the one with a broken heart,
I am the one who is ROMANCING WITH PAIN.
I'm a dead leaf or may be just a despondent.